Your computer isn’t always the cold logical machine that you want it to be, it’s actually closer to a young child, and much like a young child if it starts acting up, it’s because it’s tired and needs a nap.
So much like a regular child your computer child otherwise known as your home PC will behave based on the way you treat it, whether you let it stay up all night, how long you keep it in sleep mode and whether you let it hang out with random toolbars from the wrong side of the internet.
However you choose to treat your PC, when it starts misbehaving you need to know how to handle it.
The power nap is the most important technique a young computer parent can learn. The reason your electronic progeny needs a power nap is because it’s been running around processing information non-stop and exerting a lot of energy to do it.
In it’s mad dash to do everything, it sometimes falls over and has a boo boos which can cause it to run slower or if it’s a big boo boo, stop all together and roll up in the foetal position, also known as the blue screen of death.
If this happens then a power nap is your only option.
When it comes to caring for your desktop spawn they don’t need diapers, not unless they’re one of those fancy gaming computers with water coolant systems. For them it is a good idea, because rubbing their intake fans in the stain just doesn’t work and has been discredited by pediatricians and the dog whisperer.
It has been known to work on rare occasions and suffice to say I definitely didn’t pee on the carpet a second time.
While it’s not okay to smack your real child it’s even less okay to smack your computer child. Sure it feels good, and until they gain the sentience required to have emotions and to ultimately overthrow civilisation as we know it, they do have sensitive insides that can get damaged quite easily.
You don’t want your neighbours to find out you’re hitting your robot child and have it taken away by protective services and given to another family down the road.
Without visitation rights you may be forced to check your Facebook on your smartphone which with small touch screen and large fingers can result in ‘liking’ pages you had no intention to. The horror.
So in order for your computer child to be a fully functioning part of society you need to take care of it and nurture it. The information to take away from this is that unlike a real child your robot child cares nothing for your hugs; and kissing its boo boo all better, could just lead to your electrocution.
So to help your computer child out, you need to apply digital band-aids in the form of; ending all unnecessary running programs, closing the hundreds of of unnecessary browser tabs you have on the go and finally if all else fails put it down for irregular 1 minute power naps.
Afterward it should wake up bright as a button and ready to run around the internet all over again, if it doesn’t then you should consider getting some computer parenting help from a SuperGeek.